Our shadow, (and yes, we all have one) represents the denied or disowned parts of our personality, the
parts that we try to conceal from others and even ourselves out the of fear that their exposure may result in rejection, punishment, or abandonment. It is not the shadow itself that is the problem, but
rather is the effort that we make to conceal it that causes the problems that can destabilize and even destroy a relationship.
Bloom talks: How Your Partner Is Your Mirror
Bloom talks: Don’t Underestimate the Power of Vows
Bloom talks: Do Relationships Have to Be This Hard?
Regarding the Shadow…
- Everyone has a shadow.
- Shadows are formed in response to family, religious and cultural values.
- You can’t get rid of your shadow; but you can transform your relationship to it.
- The shadow contains both dark and golden qualities.
- The essence of all shadow work is the retrieval of disowned parts of the self that can never be lost or destroyed.
- The way in which we react to others reveals a lot about the content of our own shadow.
- What we cannot accept in ourselves we will condemn in others.
- As we become more respectful and accepting of our own shadow, we become more compassionate towards others.
- The price that we pay for concealing the shadow is a loss of power, passion, energy and soul.
- Your hopes, dreams, longings and fears all hold the content of your shadow.
- We are generally attracted to people with complementary shadows.
- The shadow itself is incapable of doing harm to anyone. The shadow is only the inner experience. It is not the action
- A denied shadow is more dangerous than a revealed one.
- Not everyone will appreciate your efforts to acknowledge your shadow.
- If you deny your own shadow, you will project it onto others.
- Sometimes what we are so busy trying to hide is what our friends find most attractive about us.
- When we become more comfortable with our shadow, we are less identified with our image.
- Successful shadow work requires recovery from addictive patterns.
- Authenticity and integrity are natural outgrowths of integrating the shadow.
- Every part of our shadow that we do not love becomes hostile to us.
- When we become defensive, we are usually motivated by a fear of having our shadow exposed.
- Under certain circumstances, each of us is capable of committing unspeakable acts.
- What we most desire may also be what we most fear, (and vice versa).
- When we don’t feel whole, we implement various forms of manipulation and control in an attempt to create security by external means.
- All interpersonal conflicts represent externalized resistance to aspects of ourselves.
- It is only by honoring our shadow that we can reclaim our essential wholeness.
- There are unfathomable possibilities available through doing shadow work.
- This course isn't simply didactic, but is also experiential. It is necessary for you to understand what will be required is more than simply to listen, take notes, and receive the information that is given
- The course will hopefully provoke and evoke feelings, opinions, concerns, and experiences that are not simply generic to most people, but also those that are specific and personal to each individual in the relationship
- When we successfully come to terms with our shadow, we are no longer so inclined to act disrespectfully, defensively, dishonestly, manipulatively or coercively. The process of coming to terms with our shadow has to do with integrating these aspects with acceptance, non-judgment, and ultimately even appreciation. This chapter will identify some of the practices that can help us to accomplish this in the context of our relationship and in so doing to provide a powerful boost to the quality of experience that we share with our partner